Overwhelmed by Love

It was eight years ago last July that I first trusted Christ's love for me. I was 15, the summer after my freshman year of high school, and I had sought love in many places - guys, popularity, academics, prestige. Only that the time, I didn't realize what I was really looking for. I didn't realize the emptyness was really a need for love. I just sought what I thought would better - my success, acceptance, reputation. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be respected.

I came across a group of people my freshman year of high school who took me in, who actually liked me for being me. It was at a place called Young Life that I discovered who I was - my humor, my fears, my strengths, my weaknesses. That summer after my freshman year, I was sitting at Castaway Camp in Minnesota. Each night, the speaker would give a talk progressing through the Gospel during the week. It happened to be the night of the cross talk when I actually heard what Jesus Christ did for me - for me! But the reason I knew its truth was not because some guy on stage said it was true, but because of the people seated all around me. Who was I that they wanted to spend time with me? Who was I that they laughed at my jokes? Who was I that they cared about my life? Who was I that they wanted to be my friend?

No one. I was no one. I say all of this because I am overwhelmed tonight to receive another true glimpse of Christ's love.

My 24th birthday is on Monday (I know my blog says I'm already 24, but I'm not). The family I have been living with here in Plano wanted to take me out to dinner tonight (Saturday) to celebrate. I figured it would just be the six and a half of us, which is always fun and to which I was looking forward to. I thought it was going to be a normal Apple family and Kimi dinner.

But my heart broke when we walked into Carrabbas and there is not only this gracious, loving, generous family to which I have completely fallen in love with, but there's Mike, my boss, his wife, Heather and their two, very cute boys. There's Allen, one of my volunteers, and his wife Rachel and their gorgeous little daughter. There's Stephanie and Jim, two of our committee members, and two of their kids. And there's four great friends from my church, Lamb of God, Lindsay, Emily, Jake and Adam. When I walked into that room, I felt like I walked through the doors of the King's banquet - all in honor of me. (And I got to sit at the chair with the orange balloon!)

I was once again overwhelmed by love. Overwhelmed by these people, whom I have only really known less than 8 months (except for my old friend Adam of course). Overwhelmed that they would thank God because of me. Overwhelmed that they would love a silly, broken, most of the time stubborn, prideful, and selfish woman enough to come to a dinner celebration. They've all seen how stupid I can be sometimes and how much of a dork I am with many things (okay, most things). They've seen me frustrated and often T.O.'d. I'm not sure why they came. Maybe they came because they heard there was cake, who knows. But tonight, I can't sleep because of it.

I am a true example of the kind of person who just needs to be loved into the Kingdom. To love people as they are, as God created them. With all of their life circumstances and experiences that have molded them into being. I wasn't expecting much for my birthday this year, certainly not a surprise celebration feast. But then again, God has given us more abundantly then we could ever hope for or imagine. And He always seems to reveal Himself through some of the greatest little surprises.

While I'm not sure how effective I am, my greatest prayer is that I would just love people so richly, they can't help but see Christ in me. I know I certainly haven't mastered that. But I'm grateful for all of those who have opened their heart to me these last eight years, and truly loved me so much that it broke my hardened heart.